Winter Journal: Frozen Limes & Family Times.

Processing a season of change - thoughts from my garden & home.

It’s been a cold few weeks here. I usually love winter and late June because its my birthday, but the icy rain and freezing winds have combined to make things feel a bit oppressive and slow. (It’s taken me a couple of weeks to write this!)

The veggie garden growth has come to a standstill. The chooks have actually stopped laying for the first time ever.

I sort of feel like I’m floating along, all adrift in my season of change, waiting for Spring. But I keep looking for the glimmers of sunshine between the clouds.

After a week of rain the sun finally came out, followed by a crystal-clear sub-zero night. The stars glittered hard and bright that night. Walking the garden the next morning was like exploring a winter wonderland. A heavy white frost covered everything and a thick slab of ice sat atop the water in my wheelbarrow. Despite the beauty, I was feeling discouraged by the complete lack of veggie growth. Then I decided to check the citrus trees to help me feel better - a mistake.

For weeks the lemons and limes have looked so promising from the window. We have been watching them come on for the last few months. Unfortunately though, the combination of rain and freezing temperatures had somehow conspired to damage them. They were ruining on the tree. It was a sad and bizarre sight. I hate wasting produce, so that was the day we picked them all. 5 kilos maybe?

Back in our warm kitchen I had a big job of processing them all. I decided to simply slice them and freeze them in zip-lock bags. The softer ones I set aside for juicing. An hour later and it was done. Three huge bags of frozen sliced lemons and limes sit in our chest freezer. I’m grateful for good podcasts to listen to.

It feels silly, being so disappointed about ruined limes, but I am telling myself that if Winter weirdly ruins your lemons and limes it is okay to be sad - and it is good to make the most of it, regardless. I can’t wait for Spring when things start growing again, but you have to go through Winter to get to Spring. I wait in hope, trusting the seasons to keep on turning.

I was so overwhelmed by the mountains of lemons and limes that I neglected to take a photo, but I did bake some home grown pumpkins with moroccan spice, and I stewed some home-grown rhubarb with brown sugar, and that cheered my heart so much that I had to take a photo. Stewed rhubarb and roast pumpkin make winter feel better.

Another thing that cheered my heart recently was a rose experiment. Our roses are winding down now, but a few months ago our roses were growing like crazy. My favourite is David Austins, ‘Jude the Obscure’. The only sad thing about a glorious rose is that the full amazing smell only lasts a few days. A friend suggested that I try infusing the petals in olive oil. I was dubious but I decided to try it. Last week I moved the jar and some of the oil dripped out. I took a sniff and was shocked! An intense smell of pure fresh roses! I was thrilled! Now, what to do with my beautiful gold liquid?

Mid-winter also means mid-year uni break. At the moment we have ‘the band back together’ - all our trio are home for a short stint, the first time since two of them moved out at the beginning of the year. It is lovely to have them all home, but triplet sibling relationship dynamics can be chaotic at the best of times. It’s exhausting being the parent! I realised we are also navigating a new ‘early adult stage’ where everyone is working out what it means to be a young adult. (I remember what I was like at 18!) It is quite scary watching your own 18 year olds start to manage their own lives. For me it is times three. (Plus a few other added complexities.)

Regardless of the obstacles, we want to empower our trio to be as independent as possible- to make their own choices and take responsibility for their own lives in the wider world. As a mother, it has been difficult for me over recent years to learn to let go, to let them be their own people. But it’s the healthiest way to go. I take a deep breath and let go again. I am gradually learning to trust them over to a Bigger Love than mine. They are off again soon, back to their different universities. And we will continue on here...

As I float along on my path, the reality of this time of change is starting to bite. I am slowly transitioning from no longer being a full-time mother of triplets with special needs. So, as things change, what do I apply myself to now? Where do I find purpose in my days? (Especially when I can’t easily find work?)

When the kids were little I had no problems with purpose. My path was clear- I had a massive job to do. Now, I’m wondering if it is valid for me to just be pottering along? To just be average? Who said we need to be spectacular anyway? Where do these expectations come from? Perhaps there is something to be said for being content to be unspectacular, and not to be sure yet of where I am heading.

I tell myself it’s okay for all of this to take time. I try to remember that waiting and changing can be quietly purposeful - like a caterpillar in a cocoon. So I try to relax in my floating and my changing. I imagine myself on my back in water. And I remember that you have to relax to be able to float and not drown.

This is all easier said than done. On hard days it helps me to look for small things of beauty; glints of golden sunshine through the clouds, tiny green plants growing by the road, distant mountains on a walk.

I love to go outside in the last hour of the day before dark, to see what I can find growing in my veggie garden. I’ve been watching these little seedlings for weeks. I really hope they might be lovely coriander, but they might just be celery. I will wait and see. :)

-Jem. xo

If you would like to help empower our trio, we have set up a charity. Find out more here.